I want to adopt minimalism

How many times have I regretted falling into the trap of “living the good life”, working and making what seems like enough money to go and spend it.

Every time after the shopping spree I couldn’t really keep the joy as I realized I didn’t really need any of the things I bought.

Sure, shopping and spending money in expensive things comes with the feeling of power and achievement but it’s just a big illusion.

I realized that spending money and buying things I didn’t need basically came from a deeply rooted subconscious need to show off; to prove to others I was “better” or the “alpha person” because I could afford expensive things…when and why did I ever believe that big fat lie?

I started prepping for my life changing almighty year long trip exactly last spring, in my mind I saw this picture of myself with a big backpack over my shoulders staring into the horizon on the top of a mountain in a remote place, so of course I set to the task of finding the perfect backpack and the perfect outfit to accomplish this picture perfect moment.

Once I had the backpack it took me 3 months and many attempts to actually pack it, the first time I packed it I had so many things that I couldn’t even fit them inside.

On the second attempt I took a good look at what I was planning to take and sacrificed some clothes for the sake of fitting it all in, this time the clothes were inside but the toiletries not.

On the third attempt I tried to take only the basic things and it worked but the weight was such that I couldn’t even carry it.

That exercise made me realize how much stuff my brain thought I needed at the time and how hard it was to erase this program: My brain really couldn’t get around surviving with only what is really necessary and practical.

Finally I managed to pack the bag and to get it on the plane but every time I had to walk a lot with it I realized I was carrying a lot and I was not even using half of the things, they were all for “in case I go to____”.

I have now been traveling for 9 months and I have been getting rid of things all along.

Of course the question in my mind “Will I survive without these or that?” was totally stupid and unnecessary, everywhere I went I had everything that I needed for that specific place and weather not because I had bought it and had it in my backpack but because the universe and life is amazing and abundant.

It’s learning how to flow within life, being aware that all you need is already taken care of and there is no need to worry.

I always have this image from the movie “Finding Nemo” when the fish get into the current and they encounter the turtles, they are wise and laid back enjoying the current, they have learned how to get on it and when to exit and they are not afraid to go with it and enjoy it.

I am determined to flow into life instead of fighting against it, to make my own rules and create my own social model based on what’s really important for me: connection with nature, respect, love for this planet and for all its living beings and for that I don’t need things, I need only the basics which can be at the same time things that I like and want but I really feel the urge to live with the minimum.

Traveling has given me the opportunity to start and yet I feel I have a long way to go.

My goal for the next 6 months is to manage to have only my backpack, whatever fits in there is what I keep and what doesn’t then I want to let go…

Let’s see how that goes

Where is my peace?

After a wonderful experience in Cyprus, coming back to Germany proved to be quite tough on my spirit; even though I feel connected to this land, the drastic absence of the sun during the first days of april and the wet weather were hardly enjoyable.

But putting the weather aside, the new challenge that awaited for me was bigger and tougher than what I could have envisioned.

I found myself in a situation that I would call “a karmic loop” this means for me being in a situation that you have already experienced and struggled with in the past, a situations that repeats itself with the same or even more intensity.

I was giving all my energy (thoughts, time, actions) to a commitment that was in turn not giving me space to have personal time for sleep, for nutrition, for recreation, for spirituality and silence.

I felt invaded at every corner by the need to take care of something, fix something, do something because otherwise it would fall apart while I observed others around me watching the situation crumble and letting it be without intervention, without offering any help.

After what I have learned throughout my journey I realize that this “karmic loop” is happening for a reason, I knew I was not a victim of any circumstance, that no one was doing any wrong to me, not people, not a place, not life nor the universe, this came to me as a call for attention, a lesson I thought I had already learned but that apparently had not been really processed yet.

And as I observed the whole situation unveil before my eyes, I felt caught, I felt trapped in a high speed train that I did not want to be in but simply could not be stopped, so I fell ill, I caused my body all sort of problems and pains from a hard neck and back that were hurting all the time to gaining a ridiculous amount of weight and as an observer, as a conscious witness of all that was happening I got quite angry that this would be happening in my life again.

I had learned how to listen to myself, I had connected with my intuition, I had connected with my true self, my real self, my self without masks, my original source, the one that did not need to please anyone or prove anything to anyone, the one that knew herself, valued her strengths, knew where her struggles and pains were and loved herself above anything without being attached to anything or anyone.

I was very displeased with my inability to stay in my power, in my balance, in my center. I decided to quit my job and leave a life behind me to travel the world because my heart urged to do so, I decided to go against all odds and expectations to be me, to be free, to follow my calling, and suddenly I couldn’t even award myself time to rest or exercise or dance or relax anyhow. I felt enslaved by “responsibility” and maybe this is what the test was all about, can I stay true to myself when the result of my effort is not manifesting?

I felt very bad about forgetting myself, shutting myself down and putting myself in the least important place, and with the physical manifestations of my inner repression I was even more sad and felt helpless so it all turned pretty bad and the hole I had dig for myself just grew deeper and darker.

Keeping myself in the same situation and doing the same things will not get me any different results so it’s clear for me that I need to start actioning in the opposite direction, I need to reach the wheel and steer it to regain course.

Life is a cycle and no matter how much anger I generate towards myself for having to start all over again that won’t help me…

I must begin a new journey in search for my inner peace.