Where is my peace?

After a wonderful experience in Cyprus, coming back to Germany proved to be quite tough on my spirit; even though I feel connected to this land, the drastic absence of the sun during the first days of april and the wet weather were hardly enjoyable.

But putting the weather aside, the new challenge that awaited for me was bigger and tougher than what I could have envisioned.

I found myself in a situation that I would call “a karmic loop” this means for me being in a situation that you have already experienced and struggled with in the past, a situations that repeats itself with the same or even more intensity.

I was giving all my energy (thoughts, time, actions) to a commitment that was in turn not giving me space to have personal time for sleep, for nutrition, for recreation, for spirituality and silence.

I felt invaded at every corner by the need to take care of something, fix something, do something because otherwise it would fall apart while I observed others around me watching the situation crumble and letting it be without intervention, without offering any help.

After what I have learned throughout my journey I realize that this “karmic loop” is happening for a reason, I knew I was not a victim of any circumstance, that no one was doing any wrong to me, not people, not a place, not life nor the universe, this came to me as a call for attention, a lesson I thought I had already learned but that apparently had not been really processed yet.

And as I observed the whole situation unveil before my eyes, I felt caught, I felt trapped in a high speed train that I did not want to be in but simply could not be stopped, so I fell ill, I caused my body all sort of problems and pains from a hard neck and back that were hurting all the time to gaining a ridiculous amount of weight and as an observer, as a conscious witness of all that was happening I got quite angry that this would be happening in my life again.

I had learned how to listen to myself, I had connected with my intuition, I had connected with my true self, my real self, my self without masks, my original source, the one that did not need to please anyone or prove anything to anyone, the one that knew herself, valued her strengths, knew where her struggles and pains were and loved herself above anything without being attached to anything or anyone.

I was very displeased with my inability to stay in my power, in my balance, in my center. I decided to quit my job and leave a life behind me to travel the world because my heart urged to do so, I decided to go against all odds and expectations to be me, to be free, to follow my calling, and suddenly I couldn’t even award myself time to rest or exercise or dance or relax anyhow. I felt enslaved by “responsibility” and maybe this is what the test was all about, can I stay true to myself when the result of my effort is not manifesting?

I felt very bad about forgetting myself, shutting myself down and putting myself in the least important place, and with the physical manifestations of my inner repression I was even more sad and felt helpless so it all turned pretty bad and the hole I had dig for myself just grew deeper and darker.

Keeping myself in the same situation and doing the same things will not get me any different results so it’s clear for me that I need to start actioning in the opposite direction, I need to reach the wheel and steer it to regain course.

Life is a cycle and no matter how much anger I generate towards myself for having to start all over again that won’t help me…

I must begin a new journey in search for my inner peace.

A phrase of inspiration

The only thing preventing us from living in peace and harmony is our limited idea that we can’t do it

What’s left of another year

Christmas time, it’s foggy and misty outside and I feel that it is my duty as a writer to be inspired by the season and write something meaningful while I sip from a cup of hot chocolate in front of me.

However what I want to say is nothing new or christmasy. I just want to take a couple of minutes to share how grateful I am for this precious journey of life, everyday is truly a gift and an opportunity to create a positive impact.

In spite of all the things that are backwards in this world, in spite of this huge need for human beings to kill everything and everyone around them just to feel “superior”, I find the space to be thankful because I know that each day the chance for change is reborn.

I am thankful for the people that choose peace over violence everyday, for the people that look inside themselves to find true happiness instead of hoping to reach it someday, for the people that have opened their eyes and don’t settle for the current model of society a few are selling, I am thankful for all of those who listen to their hearts, spread their wings and fly.

The end of the year brings the countdown and remembrance of accomplishments and the new goals for the year to come, would it be possible to include one action to benefit all other living beings in this long list full of self-satisfying delusions?

Wouldn’t it be great to count down how many lives we served and how we helped to eradicate violence, hate, hunger, war, corruption, abuse, environmental devastation?

This human life is so precious that we have the opportunity to create our own reality and help those who are not in the circumstances to do so.

What if instead of supporting the destroyers of Earth buying all of this things and ideas that we don’t need we used that energy and that money in a practical way to actually change the world?

Walk more, drive less, meditate and treat others with kindness, acknowledge how important and kind others are, treat the world with respect and realize it’s possible to share.

Stop identifying yourself with one religion and one country, understand that we are all human, we are all important and we all want the same thing: love.

All living beings deserve the same freedom and respect as you think you deserve, it’s time to stop the violence towards our planet… we have the power to change the world what number of year are we waiting for to begin?

-K