Where is my peace?

After a wonderful experience in Cyprus, coming back to Germany proved to be quite tough on my spirit; even though I feel connected to this land, the drastic absence of the sun during the first days of april and the wet weather were hardly enjoyable.

But putting the weather aside, the new challenge that awaited for me was bigger and tougher than what I could have envisioned.

I found myself in a situation that I would call “a karmic loop” this means for me being in a situation that you have already experienced and struggled with in the past, a situations that repeats itself with the same or even more intensity.

I was giving all my energy (thoughts, time, actions) to a commitment that was in turn not giving me space to have personal time for sleep, for nutrition, for recreation, for spirituality and silence.

I felt invaded at every corner by the need to take care of something, fix something, do something because otherwise it would fall apart while I observed others around me watching the situation crumble and letting it be without intervention, without offering any help.

After what I have learned throughout my journey I realize that this “karmic loop” is happening for a reason, I knew I was not a victim of any circumstance, that no one was doing any wrong to me, not people, not a place, not life nor the universe, this came to me as a call for attention, a lesson I thought I had already learned but that apparently had not been really processed yet.

And as I observed the whole situation unveil before my eyes, I felt caught, I felt trapped in a high speed train that I did not want to be in but simply could not be stopped, so I fell ill, I caused my body all sort of problems and pains from a hard neck and back that were hurting all the time to gaining a ridiculous amount of weight and as an observer, as a conscious witness of all that was happening I got quite angry that this would be happening in my life again.

I had learned how to listen to myself, I had connected with my intuition, I had connected with my true self, my real self, my self without masks, my original source, the one that did not need to please anyone or prove anything to anyone, the one that knew herself, valued her strengths, knew where her struggles and pains were and loved herself above anything without being attached to anything or anyone.

I was very displeased with my inability to stay in my power, in my balance, in my center. I decided to quit my job and leave a life behind me to travel the world because my heart urged to do so, I decided to go against all odds and expectations to be me, to be free, to follow my calling, and suddenly I couldn’t even award myself time to rest or exercise or dance or relax anyhow. I felt enslaved by “responsibility” and maybe this is what the test was all about, can I stay true to myself when the result of my effort is not manifesting?

I felt very bad about forgetting myself, shutting myself down and putting myself in the least important place, and with the physical manifestations of my inner repression I was even more sad and felt helpless so it all turned pretty bad and the hole I had dig for myself just grew deeper and darker.

Keeping myself in the same situation and doing the same things will not get me any different results so it’s clear for me that I need to start actioning in the opposite direction, I need to reach the wheel and steer it to regain course.

Life is a cycle and no matter how much anger I generate towards myself for having to start all over again that won’t help me…

I must begin a new journey in search for my inner peace.

Life and Love

DSC07295

Life and Love are not two; they are one.

To love means to see and feel life in everything.

Life is here, life is there, life is everywhere.

There is nothing but life and there is also nothing but love.

-Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi Ki

Passing the test

DSC05305

Often when we pursue spiritual growth we pay attention on how we react, how we feel and how we progress.

After a while of continuing state of balance or comfort, our ego finds a way to trick us again into believing we are great at what we’re doing, things that bothered us before no longer do and we become more calm and selfless. But spiritual growth just like life is a path and not a destination, we never cease to learn and to face challenges. We don’t know it all.

Even in periods of comfort we must not stop our efforts to persevere in our spiritual path, we must practice it every day with every little thing we can, we have planted the seed of love in our heart and if it’s growing healthy we must keep watering it, keep allowing the sun to shine and enter, keep nurturing it, cleaning it and strengthen it.

Then the real tests begging to happen, when you are ready for them, you face situations that you didn’t see coming. You face the hurt that you have suffered before and it comes back strong. You are presented with a situation where you do not know what the right thing is to do. And what do you do? How do you react?

Do you go back to your usual ways and let ego take control?

You realize that a life without ego is an amazing human achievement worthy of saints. You understand you can’t eradicate your ego and you make peace with yourself knowing you are trying your best. And there you are in front a very important test.

A test that will move your feelings, thoughts, beliefs and the summary of your progress so far.

You face the truth of knowing that not everybody loves you, in fact some people despise you and have felt very negative things towards you, you are blamed for whatever choices you have made and you understand there is people that wish you harm instead of good.

The same people you have supported and loved, and cared for and appreciated, that presented to you as a friend and didn’t take long to reveal their true intentions.

What do you do? In the split second you have to choose your reaction, do you allow this negative tendencies to enter your heart?

Keep your heart strong and persevere, do not give in, a test is not supposed to be easy.

Accept what comes your way and be thankful for those who want to hurt you because the more they try, the less they can. The more they hurt themselves. You are protected. Trust in God, give your best effort and if you need help, just remember you are not alone.

 

Divine Help

DSC09079

Many times people report the feeling of divine help and strength when they come close to a breaking point. Actually divine help is always there, but I am usually so busy doing things in my own little way that I only look for it when I face absolute defeat.

The tranquil nature of enlightened souls comes from their ability to take God’s help constantly. A state of true surrender will lead to the feeling of victory in everything I do.

 

Go with the flow

DSC07337

Sometimes we just have to be wise enough to go with the flow.Β 

We have to put our trust in life and let the current carry us.

That doesn’t mean we should take our focus off where we’re going.

-Brahma Kumaris